just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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