How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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