420 ftw
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
