my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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