The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
