Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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