Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
