So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
