69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
