i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
