I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
