I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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