hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
