I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
