Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
