wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
