Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
