Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
