I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
