The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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