Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
