My friends, they love my intelligence
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
