You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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