I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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