just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
