Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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