Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
