so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
