if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
