Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
