so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
