Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
