i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
