she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
