I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
