I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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