couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
