the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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