i think my tv is drunk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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