it hurts more in the daytime
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
