I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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