Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fill condoms, not promises.
Randomize
