im six kinds of drunk right now
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
