Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
