Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
