Just fell off a train. Bad.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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