Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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