i think i have two assholes
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize