if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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