people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
