I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
