just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
