thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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