Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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