We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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