I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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