I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
