Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize