And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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