so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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