Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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