I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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