just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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