yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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