if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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