They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
