I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
