I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize