i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
