I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
