The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
