you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
