Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
someone threw a dead crab at me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
